My Celebrity interviews: 1. Robin Hood and Maid Marion

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No.1 of my celebrity interviews series

With a tip of my fedora to Napoleon Hill, the scammer-in-chief, who introduced the concept of Master Mind Groups. He regularly summoned a MM Group of dead, rich and powerful Presidents and tycoons.

ME: How’s business, Robin?

RH: Best ever – as long as plagues and wars continue it’ll be mint.

ME Do wars and plagues help you to rob the rich and give to the poor?

RH: No

MM: That hasn’t been our mission for 12 years. We now rob the poor to give to the rich. We got rid of the merry men too. This is serious business.

ME: But your “GB – Giving Back” brand was universally loved – sounds risky to me?

RH: That’s why you’re skint – no bottle. You’ve got to go where the massive volume, unlimited high pricing and maximum margins are. Like Coca-Cola is rebranded as “Magic” so our GB Brand is rebranded as “Love”.

MM: The RH & MM GB Group Inc – Maid Marion, not Merry Men – kept the “GB” – only now it means whatever our customers want it to mean. Most seem to think it means ‘world beating’ and that’s good.

ME: What’s “love” got to do with it?

RH: Our customers, our suppliers and our network love us and our life-giving products – shelter, warmth, food, alcohol, wifi, boxed sets and gaming.

ME: Network?

MM: In ye olde days when we could only afford pantomime clothes we never actually gave to the poor – we loaned.

ME: How could they pay you back?

MM: We taught them how to steal. We charged for the training, of course.

ME: What if they got caught?

MM: They were tagged, deported or hanged.

ME: I meant wouldn’t they implicate you?

MM: Of course not, we’re like a family and that’s the power of positive thinking.

RH: Anyway, it proved our training was very, very powerful and instead of teaching the poor to steal we now teach the rich, those in debt to us, to steal.

MM: Politicians, investors and bankers are the best at stealing from the poor. That’s our network.

ME: How are they in debt to you?

RH: It costs a lot of money, our money, to put them into the powerful positions they yearn for.

MM: They all pay us back regularly too. It’s amazing how much they can steal from the poor; in taxation, utility price-fixing, food price-fixing, transport price-fixing, pharmaceuticals, healthcare, regulations and 45 – 120 days payment terms rather than #Payin30Days.

RH And their expenses and speaking fees.

MM: Ah yes – monthly expenses. I love ’em. It’s like a regular salary for Robin and me.

RH: So you see we mainly work with a network in government and Banks – the same thing really.

MM: And we still alleviate poverty.

ME How?

RH: We get them to lend money, machines, weapons, food, clothes, vaccines, oil, know-how and entertainment to countries less well off than us.

ME: Oh!

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